


Scars Come With Healing

by synonymouse



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, Magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-03-04 18:26:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3080954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/synonymouse/pseuds/synonymouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He stares at her, mouth falling open. She can see the hurt in his eyes. She doesn't care. This is the last time she will have this conversation with him. Perhaps it is the last time she will have <i>any</i> conversation with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scars Come With Healing

**Author's Note:**

> I love Fenris as much as anyone, but it did start to feel like I was hanging out with a broken record, after a while. So, here's a quickie I wrote to give myself a bit of closure.

"Hawke."

She glances over her shoulder. Fenris' spiked armor makes a familiar silhouette against the darkening sky. If it hadn't been familiar, she reflects, it would probably have been frightening. She turns away from him with a sigh, pointing unseeing eyes at the horizon.

"The others are wondering where you went," Fenris continues. He steps closer to her.

"Drinking watered-down moonshine and losing to Varric and Isabela at cards _is_ my favourite pastime, but I needed some air. It's tiring, travelling like this."

"Maybe if you hadn't fought for the mages, we wouldn't have had to run," he comments sourly.

Hawke surges up, advancing on him, eyes flashing angrily in the gloom. "Really, Fenris? This,  _again_?"

His face is impassive, lyrium veins shimmering faintly. A breeze tugs at his hair. The rising half-moon gives it a glow to rival the lyrium, and Hawke's breath catches in her throat. He is so beautiful. Time was, just looking at him would make her anger melt away. Time was, all she could do when she saw his face was want to cradle it in her hands, cover it with kisses. But she is too exhausted now, the anger too great.

Fenris speaks again, voice now tense. "All I'm saying is, if you were a bit more careful picking your allies-"

She snaps, cutting him off: "If I were a bit more careful picking my allies, you would be kneeling at Danarius' feet again."

He stares at her, mouth falling open. She can see the hurt in his eyes. She doesn't care. This is the last time she will have this conversation with him. Perhaps it is the last time she will have _any_ conversation with him. The thought breaks her heart, but it can take it. It's been broken before, she knows how to glue it back together. She glares at him stubbornly.

"What would you have had me do?" she continues. " _Turn on my own sister?_ To me, family _means_ something. Look at you." She spits out the words, encompassing his lean frame with a nod. Somehow the gesture makes him seem small. "You would have torn out your own sister's heart if I hadn't stopped you. That wasn't magic, Fenris, that was _you_."

"Danarius made me like this-"

"As he made your sister! And yes, Danarius was a mage, but being a mage doesn't automatically make you _evil_."

"But Orsino-"

"Fought like a cornered animal. Much like you and I have, on more than one occasion."

"If it hadn't been for magic-"

" _I wouldn't be here_. And neither would you. Our mage friends have saved our hides more times than I care to count." She can tell that he is formulating another protest, another lecture on the evils of magic. Bile rises in her throat and her vision narrows with fury. She draws one of her daggers, points it at his throat. The tip is trembling - it's never trembled before. Her voice is choked when she speaks. Gone is her humorous nature, gone her sarcastic quips. The words that next pass her lips rise from the depths of her mind like the bile in her throat; they come from the darkness she never touches because the pain is too great. "Don't you dare. Don't you dare lecture me on what magic can do to people. A necromancer took my mother's head and stuck it on an undead sex toy. _Don't you dare lecture me_."

He has taken a step back. Somewhere underneath the layers of exhaustion and latent grief, she realises that that is all he has done. Was a time when he would have seen her drawn blade as a challenge. When he saw danger everywhere, even in her. Not so now - he trusts her, she realises. He trusts her completely. She deflates somewhat, but keeps the dagger pointed at him, accusing if not threatening.

"I am tired of your bullshit, Fenris. I love you, but you have to let this go. The wrongs we have suffered were the evil of men. Magic is a means to power, and power corrupts. Again: _You would have killed your own sister_. Because you could have. It would have been easy, and then she would have been gone, and you thought that meant the pain would go away. That is how the powerful and corrupt solve their problems - by wielding their power, indiscriminately, destroying whatever's in their path. That's not you. You're better than that, or you would be, if you'd just _let yourself_. We both carry scars, but that's a good thing. Scars come with healing. Only survivors have scars. You just ... you have to move on, at some point."

Fenris stares at her, eyes wide. His lip twitches as if he is trying to speak, but no sound escapes his throat. Then he averts his eyes. Finally he mumbles, "I am sorry. If the topic pains you, I won't bring it up again. Do you wish for me to leave?"

Hawke sighs, or maybe she sobs, she can't tell. Her arm falters, falls to her side. The dagger clatters to the ground. "No, that's not..." She can't bear to see his wounded expression any more, and buries her face in her hands. Then she rakes them over her skull, messing up her hair. She walks to the cliff's edge and sits back down on her boulder, once more staring at the horizon.

Silence.

Then: "Hawke..?"

So he hasn't left. She closes her eyes. She thought he would leave when she turned her back. Somehow, she thought it would be over. "Fenris, please..."

He comes to sit beside her, but doesn't touch her. She hears him swallow. "I don't understand what you're trying to tell me," he admits.

"I'm trying to tell you you are so much more than this," she sighs. Long moments pass. She turns words and phrases over and over in her head, trying to figure out how to construct a key out of them. A key to his lock. "You've said that you wanted to be rid of the hate. But you keep letting it define you. It's like ... it's like you believe you won't exist without it. Like you'll be nothing. And I'm trying so hard to make you see that that's not true. But you won't listen, and I ... it hurts." Her voice breaks. It wasn't what she had meant to say. This was supposed to be about his pain, not hers.

Another long silence passes, then Fenris speaks. His voice is hoarse. "Hawke ... I don't know if I can be the man you think I am. I don't know how. But I will try. Please, be patient with me. Please keep showing me the way."

She looks at him out of the corner of her eye. Once more she thinks of how he hasn't run away. He was so ready to run, before. Living like a hunted animal, always running, lashing out when cornered. He's not running anymore. He's changing. All those years spent brooding in that mansion ... he left it, for her. He fought the templars, for her. She sighs again, tension suddenly leaving her like a flood. It makes her feel drained. She leans her head against his shoulder, then changes her mind as a ridge presses uncomfortably into her temple.

"You could start by getting more cuddle-friendly armour," she mutters.

He chuckles at that, and puts his arm around her shoulders. The world darkens around them, the last remnants of sunlight fading until all that is left is Hawke and Fenris, the moon and a million stars. The sky is clear, and so is the road. And they will walk it together.

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't be shy about leaving a kudo (or even a comment!) if you enjoyed it. It really makes my day and spurs me to keep writing. :)


End file.
